Pirates arrrr among us!

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The first thing on the City Commission agenda is declaring September 19th as Talk like a Pirate Day. There is no back-up for this proclamation so no one actually knows what in heck it all means. For all of you who might care the least bit about officially recognizing this day, see video below to find out how important it is. Pirates rob, loot, plunder, fleece...choose your adjective--hope this is not the new mission of this commission when they vote on the final budget in one week's time by robbing Reserves.


Steps to Talk like a Pirate:

• 1. Growl - and scowl often. Pirates don't use a cultured, elegant, smooth vocalization - they mutter and growl... A lot.

• 2. Use pirate lingo. Sounding like a pirate isn't as hard as it seems! There are lots of resources for picking up pirate "lingo," so make use of them (some common terms listed below) in addition to trying to affect a vocal sound. Avoid using modern epithets (swear words). It's much more colorful (and kid-friendly) to use "pirate slang" for those naughty words. Use words like, "shiny objects in the sky."

• 3. Gesture with your hands frequently. Don't forget that pirates do most of their talking on the deck of a ship - out on the ocean, where wind, waves, and bird calls make it tough to hear. Gesturing often gives you a sense of "being there." Make false accusations towards minority commissioners.

• 4. Slur your words together saying, "The boys and I were out for a lovely day on the water today" sounds like something you'd overhear at a yacht club, not out on the bounding main! Instead, try, "Me 'n' these here scurvy scallywags drug our sorry keesters out t'th'ship'n'had us a grand great adventuaaarrr! We almost had t'keelhaul Mad Connie f'r gettin inter th' grog behind our backs!" Use contractions whenever possible. Be sure to punctuate often with "Arrrr" and whatever you do, speak last...much more of an impact. Arrrr.

• 5. Never use "you" or "you're" - ever.  Instead, use the piratical form, "yer", "ye" or "ya" for all forms of address to others. "Yer a scurvy bilge rat, ya pompous gasbag" or "Here's yer dinner, ya mangy cockroach." Note that you should always endeavor to call the addressee by some insulting name, usually involving an animal.

• 6. Embellish at will. A pirate is larger than life, and his or her speech should always reflect this. Don't just say, "We saw a whale off the starboard bow today." Say, "Me'n'th' crew seen a great grand sea beastie, th' mother of all whales, aye!"

• 7. Refer to yourself as "me" at all times, never "I." It is not piratically correct to say, "I have a cold." It is far better as a pirate to declare, "Got me a case o'th'sniffles, 'ass rye!" Got to get me to my office downtown to ride me o'th'sniffles...arrr.

• 8. More importantly, substitute "me" for "my" For example, don't say, "Look at my new sword," say "Look it me new sword!." Also substitute "meself" for "myself" as in "Got meself a right fine ship!" 9. Mutter unintelligibly unless yelling. Being a pirate usually meant being liquored up to some degree - a lot of time, pirates were pretty mush-mouthed. In the step preceding, the term "'ass rye" actually translates to "that's right." Get it?

• 10. Be as loud as humanly possible. Filibuster and talk about "me" wife so that the clock runs out. Pirates are not shy - stand tall, me hearties, and be counted!

• 11. Get a stuffed toy parrot and sew feet to right shoulder of a second hand store jacket. This will put you in the mood to adhere to the above mentioned rules and guarantee an abundance of "yers and arghs". Source:  WikiHow.com

Our absolute favorite pirate!