Lake Worth Chronicles - A Parody - Part III

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The former bloggers, Windy-Runt and Les Lackman, finally make it to the fish house.

Hermit Robertson: Hey, it’s Windy-Runt and Les Lackman, two of my best customers!

Les Lackman: Hermit,you have the best fish in town!

Hermit Robertson: I owe it all to my fish girls, Loritta Shatz, Narine Burnt and Piggy Fishbottom. Those girls can clean any fish in nothing flat. Loritta chops off the heads and Narine and Piggy clean and filet the rest. Piggy does eat the occasional catfish researching it to death but that’s okay. She’s a big gal and needs to keep up her strength.

Windy-Runt: Hermit, is it true that our ex-city manager, Nike Bornstone, is up for parole again?

Hermit Robertson: Yep. That’s a sad tale for sure.

Les Lackman: What exactly happened? It’s been so long ago…

Hermit Robertson: It happened right after the baseball stadium in old JPP got blown up by the radical male cheerleaders, Martian Passed, Grim Stapherd and Barty Illfeld. City Manager Nike Bornstone went crazy. He thought he was a pirate, kidnapped city clerk Pom Garcia, and tried to hijack the Casino Cruise gambling ship. Poor Pom, an angry mob of senior snowbirds, denied their rights to gamble, trampled her. She was so close to retirement, too.

Windy-Runt: How tragic!

Hermit Robertson: The only attorney that would defend Bornstone was ex-city attorney Gin Tivoli. Then Bornstone had the bad luck to get federal judge Denley Dorsii.

Les Lackman: Dorsii? There’s no tougher judge than Dorsii.

Hermit Robertson: Right. Well, the only person Gin Tivoli could get to speak on Bornstone’s behalf was former Lake Worthless mayor Ron Ex-lax. When Dorsii asked Bornstone to make a statement, he stood up and started shouting “Arghhh, Arghhh!"  Poor Nike Bornstone got sixty years in a Federal prison.

Thom Ramitchyoho, the day old bread salesman, has been eavesdropping on the conversation. At the mention of Bornstone’s name he begins weeping, trips over an empty rainbow colored can of Dunty Moor stew, and is almost run over by a speeding segway taxi, operated by Bobo Allende, Lake Worthless rat catcher.

Hermit Robertson: On a happier note, I managed to get my hands on a couple of copies of Kat McShiverin’s latest novel. “Your Life Sucks Compared to Mine.” Our local Kat got her start writing petitions.

Les Lackman: Wow, she really looks good for her age.

Windy-Runt: You’d look good too, if all you had to do was go to spas and live on your own private island, provided by Lynnley Andershine, of course.

Les Lackman: I think that they used to call it “Cuba.” Don’t be bitter. Windy-Runt, Kat Mcshiverin does happen to be the bestselling author of all time. I should have learned from Lynnley Andershine when I had the chance instead of my being a revisionist!

Everyone looks up as emergency vehicles fly by, sirens blaring, headed towards the Gulfstream Hotel where Scud Maxwealth is hanging from an illegal banner.

More to come...