Gavin Newsom and his better ideas

Newsom Says He Can Out-DOGE Elon — With Debt

SACRAMENTO, CA — California Governor and part-time shampoo model Gavin Newsom has unveiled a revolutionary new plan called “DOGE but Better,” which experts say is just like Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency — except it bleeds cash, hires consultants with gender studies degrees, and sets taxpayer money on fire in a carbon-neutral way.

Newsom, who believes the solution to California’s $73 billion budget black hole is more algorithms, declared, “We’re doing efficiency... the California way,” moments before asking the federal government for $40 billion in wildfire relief and a blank check for vibes.

The plan includes partnering with Accenture and Deloitte — firms known for charging seven figures to tell you your website needs a new font — and promising to fix traffic, housing, and the DMV using AI, despite the fact that nothing else he's touched has worked, including his own electric razor.

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